We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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