guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Your penis caused this!
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