Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
