i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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