So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
