I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
