Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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