sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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