this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
