So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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