i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
