somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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