I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
