Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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