oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize