You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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