She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
