I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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