Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
