my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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