I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
