Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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