We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
