Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
