I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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