her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize