Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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