What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
