The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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