I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I got inside last night via doggy door
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
