i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
