do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
