Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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