I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
