i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he thought i was a dude.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
