I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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