My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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