I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
