So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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