Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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