you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
