i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
