it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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