There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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