I just cut my nipple shaving
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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