we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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