1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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