ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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