As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
