Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
