i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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