the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
