hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
