No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
