Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
