nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
