How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
