This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
