quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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