His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just gift wrapped bread.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
