I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
