Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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