Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize