Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
