butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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