drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
