Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
