So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
