I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize