Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Barsexuality is the new black.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
