the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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