did you get engaged???
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
