I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
