All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
