Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
