Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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