Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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