DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
