I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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