The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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