69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
