i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
