I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
