she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He passed out mid-signature
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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