her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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