He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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