party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
BRING THE BAGELS
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
