I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
