let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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